How Being Scared To Live Too Big Can Keep You Stuck…or Sick!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
– Marianne Williamson

This is one of the most powerful quotes I know. And, it is something that eventually gets discussed when I work with my clients. Many of us are not scared of failure, but scared of what we would become, how our lives would change, and who we would lose….if we didn’t stop ourselves from finding out who we really are and just how big we could be.

Illness is one of the most “convenient” roadblocks for allowing us to have to permission to “live small,” not surpass our friends or spouses, or not feel visible in a world that may feel unsafe. Many people become defensive at the idea that their illness is serving them in some way. But the ones who can eventually consider this, open up a whole new world of healing for themselves. I know I absolutely did when I was struggling with health problems. In fact, if I had to pick the key to me unraveling WHY I couldn’t heal, it was probably this concept that brought me the biggest energetic shift  – which eventually manifested in a shift of my physical body.

Why is it safer to “live small?”

It is amazing to explore this issue, that an illness or problem can keep us from having to be our biggest, brightest best self – because often that is terrifying. We become accustomed to “dimming our light” to fit in to a social scene, to camouflage ourselves in relationships we don’t fit in, and to not rock the boat of our own lives when following our heart is the harder road.

Sadness, anger and more from picturing yourself healthy?

Energy therapy is a great way to release these types of fears from your body. Often, just the mental image of a life that is big and powerful brings up unexpected negative emotions. The underlining causes of these emotions, which affect our body’s energy system and therefore us, can be things like:

  • Sadness, realizing we could not stay in current relationships comfortably if we were our brightest, truest selves
  • Anger at ourselves when we realize we have held ourselves back from what we know we can accomplish
  • Fear because calling ourselves to our greatness is unknown territory
  • Guilt because we don’t feel like it’s ok to have better lives than our parents did or do

Start to release this on your own

One quick energy exercise you can do to start to neutralize some of this is to hold the mental picture of a BIG life (in whatever way that means to you – dream job, new geographical area to live, or even just focusing on the feeling of being happy). While you hold that picture, really sink into the negative emotions that come up. Give it a minute as at first you may only see the happy picture but soon the “consequences” of that picture may come up.


1. Place fingertips very lightly on the points above the eyebrows (called the neurovascular points). These are often where we instinctively put our hands when stressed.

2. Hold your hands this way until you feel a pulse in your fingertips. It may take several minutes the first time you use this technique but will be faster as you practice it more. Don’t give up – just keep using it.

Why it works: Up to 80% of blood leaves the frontal lobes of our brain when we are stressed or focused on negative emotions (no wonder we can’t think our way out of them!). However, you can reprogram your stress response by doing this technique. It literally uses the electromagnetic energy in your fingers to hold the blood in your brain, or draw it back up again once you’re already into the stress process. This can reprogram your brain to stay calm even while you think of something that can bring up stressful emotions.

If you’re body isn’t stressed, it can start to heal. And if you aren’t stressed thinking about something seemingly positive (like living life to the fullest!), there is less of a reason for that block (illness, negative thinking, etc.) to exist.

Emotional Freedom Technique is an amazing tool I use to help clients clear this problem at a deeper level. We start by coming up with all the reasons why it might be too scary to live big. And then, we start tapping them away! Until you’re ready or can work with a practitioner to dig deep, the exercise above can make a good start to calming the negative emotions when they come up.

So, what would you do if your illness wasn’t stopping you? If you have no negative reaction to being healthy, you are the anomaly. If you do, you have some work to do! But it’s honestly the most curious, fun and rewarding process so go ahead and think about living BIG, even the scary parts. I dare you.

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