Nobody cares (and that’s okay)

By Amy B. Scher

I was listening to a podcast recently called Hello Humans with guest Anne Lamott. She’s one of my favorite writers and teachers. And she said something that keeps echoing in my brain: “No one cares if you write.”

Ouch.

But this got me thinking.

It’s really easy to get into victim-mode when we’re writing, healing, or just human’ing. Because it can all so hard.

But it’s still up to us to do what we can to be fulfilled in our own lives. 

For years, I’ve been working on a fiction book. For years, I’ve been talking about how hard it is. But at the beginning of the year, I joined a writer’s program with Natasha Relph (writer, mentor, amazing coach … here’s her blog if you’re a writer, too) that changed everything. The foundation of the program was simple: write every single day. That’s it. Show up and write.

I wasn’t sure if this kind of program would even work for me. Why? Honestly …. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t typically care if I ditch out on my goals. I’m not competitive at all. I don’t like to “push” myself. When things get hard, I can sometimes tend to be a little too kind to myself and let myself off the hook. In fact, my mom and I were just joking about this. We are NOT easily motivated people – not by little stickers on the calendar to show we did a good job, rewards after meeting a goal, or any other tricks that are sometimes used to inspire people.

We cannot be tricked. 

I guess I know where I get it from now, right?

But when I joined this program, something happened. I think somewhere inside I already deeply understood that nobody cared. Which was actually a very good thing.

No one cares if I never finish this book. Yes, those who love me want me to succeed. Same with you.

But no one actually cares that much if we fulfill the things in our lives that we want to fulfill.

I have to care. And I do. Because, as Anne also so brilliantly says:

“TERROR OF REGRET REALLY KEEPS ME GOING SOMETIMES.” – ANNE LAMOTT

I spent years not doing the thing that was calling me: writing this particular book. I was busy, sure. I wrote other books. I was seeing clients. I was tired sometimes and didn’t want to do anything at all.

So I kept putting this one thing aside.

Nobody cared. Time went by. People said “you can do it” when I whined and complained. But no one is going to babysit me every day to make sure I do anything.

And if I want to get where I want to get (which is finishing the book in my heart), I have to care. I have to do it, even when I don’t want to. There is a line between being kind to ourselves and not holding ourselves accountable for our greatness.

I wanted to share this because this “tough love” lesson was one I needed.

I wonder if you need to hear it too. It really does apply to so many things in life, including healing.

My best advice for healing has always been this: SHOW UP FOR YOUR HEALING. Whether it’s for 5, 10 or 20 minutes a day, work on letting go of the emotional baggage that is holding you back. This is how you slowly uncover who you really are. This is how you find your happiest, healthiest self.

If you don’t? Nobody will care, perhaps. Really, it’s nobody’s job to care (not as much as us, anyway). And realizing this could just make you care more than you ever have before. Which is a good thing.

Now go do the thing you know you need to. Even if you can’t do it perfectly or for very long at all, do it anyway.

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