I never set out to tell a story like this. Years ago, I was at the start of my non-fiction career writing memoirs and self-help. But in 2011, only five days apart, my dad died and my 22-year-old cousin was murdered. At first, I was swallowed by grief. I listened to true crime podcasts and carried my dad’s ashes around in his toothpick holder he used for his weed. I wondered how this new life of mine could even be real? But soon, slowly, as our family and time started to march on, I started to dream about what my cousin Pam was doing, thinking, and feeling. I imagined how she must have felt “waking” up on the other side to find out what happened to her. I was pretty sure she’d have only one thing to say: WHAT THE ACTUAL F*UCK?! I could almost hear it. Which kind of made me laugh. It didn’t take long before I could feel her telling me her thoughts about her trial and what she was busy doing in the beyond. And so I started writing bits and pieces based on one simple premise: POV: you die and wake up in an afterlife support group. also you may have been murdered. lol. And the rest is history. Fifteen years after Pam’s death, my grief has become this darkly funny novel. I wrote the book to try to find meaning in it all and make my family (and others who were grieving) LOL again. I like to think I accomplished both.

Both. I wanted so badly to be an outliner with an organized chapter-by-chapter plan. And I did try. The reality was messy though, and for most of it, I just felt my way through in the dark. Sometimes I think you can only discover what you need to write by writing it. 

I wrote most of this book at my desk (with our cat, Stanley, whining by my side)— although because it took me 10 years, these desks were in different homes across different states. But I finished it in NYC shortly after we bought an apartment. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was the end of a long era for me AND Salon. Oh and here’s a pic of Stanley if you are interested. He was chief chatty catty when I was trying to concentrate.

This book is totally different from my first draft. Although the first sentence has been the same since the very start.
As I wrote, I had to kill quite a few characters off (even though they were already dead. RIP). 

Here’s what changed the most:

• This wasn’t a murder mystery when I started. In fact, it only became a murder mystery in the final drafts. I really tried to avoid it because I had no idea how to write mystery. But I learned, and I’m so glad it turned into one along the way.
• Our beloved Mr. Eck had a totally different storyline, as did most of the kids in the NIB. I changed each of their back stories, and the reasons they all died. I really wanted everyone to have their own journey, not just be part of Salon’s.
• Fun fact: I changed almost everyone’s name, except Salon’s. She’s been Salon from the first day I had the idea for this novel.

Funny you should ask! I have a Spotify playlist for that. Some were my faves as I wrote and some are actually in the book. Just a few: The World Spins Madly On (The Weepies), Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me), Livin’ On A Prayer (Bon Jovi), and Dreams (The Cranberries).

I believe there’s an afterlife for all of us. Is it the NIB? That I don’t know. But I wouldn’t be sad if it was. Writing this book definitely deepened my insistence that there’s more to come for all of us. Maybe where we each go is different depending on what we believe? While I’m not sure about any of it, I am sure we’ll be okay when we go. Just as our loved ones are. Oh, and I 1000% think there’s a Tellie over there with our favorite people peering through it. So when we look up toward the sky, I think we should wave.

Omg there’s so many. What kind of a mystery writer would I be if there weren’t?